Best possible given the home you are in. She denies that she has continued the EA but that she has been in contact with the OM. You remain calm. He does not deserve you do not allow this man to treat you this way ever get rid of him and find someone that will love you care for you and respect you. And they looked like fools. He married you. Those are the two choices you have. Hopefully this fog clears at some point. But he was a coward. You need to accept it that does not mean you agree or condone it but when you accept he is a liar & cheater and stop trying to change him and therein frustrating yourself, your life will be more peaceful and calmer. It pains me to think 1 year ago we were on a family vacation, I was pregnant, we were happy as ever. Because he knows I wont toletste anything else. He is probably cheating too but I dont care or try to know or find out. However, these crises can often be associated with Not an issue. Im not saying D him. It will protect YOU from his poor choices and lying. And I just have to stick to my guns I guess, as hard as it is. Even if we did reconcile and moved forward, how would I EVER get past what hes done and all the texts ive read and the things theyve said to one another. Because if he continues to cheat you have financially protected yourself. You are giving him every opportunity to repair the M. He is choosing not to. I said no. Even if he is talking to her. You did exactly what I would have done because we are too nice. Ive felt this way for years. Its so weird. Mine also admitted to me that he was having an EA, and cried and told me he was scared. But everything elseyoud come home, and Id be there. I know that today is the worst day I have had in a long time. What is that about? If possible, wed also like to hear from those of you whose spouse has emerged from the fog, and how you feel that was accomplished. When I do go do things, I know hes curious, but hes very good at not asking questions and trying to act like he doesnt care, but I can tell things get to him. You have every right to decide what YOUR life should look like. And then went running back to her in the fall. She said that I am attractive but she isnt attracted to me. I thought he was on drugs at DDay 2. I had to call the OW to find out the truth and what was going on. Right now he still doesnt care if he loses me. On the upside, later I talked about how all of those there were married, except a widow, sadly single, and his wicked divorced female cousin. (Ive told you this so im sure I sound like a broken record) and then I let him come back home and the whole cycle started again of us slowly morphing back into our relationship and he gets scared saying its going too fast and hes afraid everything will go right back to what it was. You are NOT doing anything wrong. A father. I thought we turned the corner. DO NOT ASK IF HE IS LYING. Obviously, we know begging and pleading didnt work. Thank you for your advice Doug. I was done with his crap and lies and cheating ways. And you have to go through all that before love can even begin to start being felt again. Sometimes I see it and sometimes im like woah who is this. And I wonder if your H isnt trying for the same thing. He is expecting you to give in to him. We live in an area where good professional jobs are few and far between, and he is 5 years from retirement with the state. It seems that most betrayed spouses are desperately trying to figure out the affair fog and what the hell is going on in the minds of their spouses. He would not dare test out that theory b/c she would dump him in a heartbeat if he cheated on her. I dont even know why I started it. I guess all I can do is work on ME and try to be the best place for him to be! I hope he comes to his senses. Park your car at the mall or similar place where you can disappear from him easily if hes the type that would follow you, because if he knows what youre doing and you spent the evening alone, hed be even more sure of your devotion and actually become worse than he already is. You have done everything. None of this worked for me but it laid a foundation that I was willing to look past the A and move forward. HE ALREADY IS ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR ON YOUR M! He doesnt want to help you in any way. But you man up and be real. The issue w/ my H was he would tell me be home by 12 pm and show up at 3 am with no call or courtesy. Do not fixate on her the OW. I think its also the type of people he befriends. I do not do his laundry or errands or cater to him. I dont want to be mean to him, I want to just focus on me and the baby but its very very hard. You get to the point if no one cares b/c you dont. You can listen to and/or read the transcript here: Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, How to Get the Cheater Out of the Affair Fog, Real Life Hardnosed Advice on How to Stop an Affair, How to Cheat on Your Spouse Without Feeling Guilty, The Psychology of Affairs: The Games People Play and the Lies that Bind, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, https://www.emotionalaffair.org/discussion-how-do-you-get-the-cheating-spouse-out-of-the-affair-fog/, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. Because he chose to stay M. No talking or therapy or pleading or crying had any impact unfortunately. Wow is this awful. People get it. But with a plan B in place, a change in power and control in your marriage and the ability to stand up for what YOU and want, you can have a happy marriage. Like I said, hes never waivered from saying he felt absolutely nothing for her, but he also never waivered from anything I cant prove in black & white, tangible, irrefutable evidence. But looking back, the thing that I did that I shouldnt have done was I never stopped telling you that I loved you, and that I wanted to be with you. Talked to a coach on the phone from this outfit 3 months after the workshop, and when asked if we wanted to save our marriage, I responded a resounding Yes! H..I dont know. It was the principle of it. After dealing with my Hs frustrating behaviors, affair fog, continuing to see OW and blaming me for everything wrong in his life, I used to go to my wonderfully fabulous thetapist who would put me on the right path. If he cannot make that decision then you need may have to make it for him. like you said, I cannot change him. He has no right to put you in limbo. At the time it was happening, his growing disconnection from me and lack of empathy for years makes me believe he just intended to stonewall and ignore it as long as necessary, thinking Id let it go. The confusing bit when he is around me twice he tried to sleep with me and most recent visit just kept try and cuddle me..: Im so confused my headspace is confused I dont think I want him back as he caused me so much pain but I do know I dont want him with her and I guess I want him to want to come back if that makes sense..
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